Habits Without Nagging: The App We Hope You Outgrow

It's Saturday afternoon and our kids are sitting outside in the sunshine reading books. The board says there are minutes to use. Nobody has asked for them today, and our youngest hasn't asked in weeks.

We started ScreenTickr when our children were about six and three. Screen time was the reward. What we wanted was habits: getting ready, doing school work and going to bed, without anyone nagging.

Where We Started

When our kids were younger, weekday mornings sounded like this: "Stop reading that book and get dressed." "Your sister is ready, we need to go now." "Why do you still have your pyjamas on?" Evenings were more of the same: "You said you were going to shower 30 minutes ago." "I said goodnight five minutes ago, and now you're up asking about something that happened three months ago."

On top of that came the constant reminders to brush teeth, put things away and pack bags.

Screen time was the other daily argument. Every request was a debate, and every "no" started a new one.

The board changed the question. "Can I play on the iPad?" became "Can I use my minutes?" The answer was on the board for everyone to see. How the idea for ScreenTickr started is its own story. Eight years on, the more useful part is what happened next.

The Minutes Were Never the Point

We chose minutes as the reward because they sit in the middle. A short-term reward is dessert for eating your dinner. A long-term one is a fulfilling career for doing well at school. Minutes land between the two. A child doesn't get a treat five minutes after every small task, but they can see the minutes adding up within a few weeks.

The aim is that doing the same routine every day, and focusing on a few key tasks, builds a habit over weeks and months.

After enough mornings, getting ready for school on time stops being a task with a reward attached. It becomes what happens after you get out of bed. The same goes for homework after school and teeth before bed. Your child stops waiting for an adult to prompt them, because these are now daily habits.

The board puts the expectation in writing, so you don't have to keep saying it. Your child can see what's expected, and so can you. There is less to argue about, and less reason to nag, when you are both reading from the same list.

Over time a child starts to notice who the routine is for. Being ready on time means a calm journey to school. Finishing homework early means the evening is free. The minutes got them started.

What It Looks Like at 14 and 11

Our children are now fourteen and eleven, and the boards are still up. We look at them far less than we used to.

Our youngest can go weeks without asking for screen time, even on a rainy Sunday. Our oldest still checks the balance. Devices and gaming come up a lot with friends at school, so the interest is still there. What has changed is that the usage limits are clear to him and he knows that when the time is up that is it.

The bigger change is how the end of screen time goes. Saying "no" or "you've had enough" used to be the start of an argument. Now they hear it and move on to something else.

That something else is the part we're proudest of. They read. They draw. They write. They go outside. Some days they do that with minutes left to spend, because there is something they would rather be doing.

Building Habits Between 5 and 10

If your children are between five and ten, these are the years when a board helps most. Here is what we would do again.

• Start with the big three. Getting ready in the morning, school work and getting ready for bed cause most of the daily arguments.
• Focus on one trouble spot. If one thing on the board is a daily struggle, give it a few weeks on its own until it happens without a reminder, rather than trying to fix everything at once.
• Stop reminding. Say what's expected once, then leave it on the board. A missed task costs a few minutes, which is failing safely.
• Let the board keep count. You don't need to track it in your head, or be the one who says how much is left.

Tip: once a term, sit down together. Look at which tasks now happen without anyone thinking about them, and whether a new one needs a place on the board. There's more on choosing tasks in what goes on your board.

When the Board Goes Quiet

We built ScreenTickr to be used a lot for a few years, then less, then hardly at all. A quiet board means the habits are in place.

The first few weeks will bring missed mornings and fewer minutes earned. Keep the board the same and keep the reminders out. One day you'll notice nobody has checked the board in a while. Your child will be in the garden, or reading, or drawing at their desk, doing the things they have learned to do for themselves.